He came .......
He saw ........
He was conquered.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
A losing war
The third world war has begun. With a difference. This time it is not two war thirsty nations aiming their bombers against each other nor is it the usual suspect “Uncle” who is out to destroy the “axis of evil”. This time all the countries of the world, brushing off their animosity under the carpet, are rubbing shoulders with each other to fight against a common destroyer of mankind (that’s what they say) – no, not the aliens, but none other than ME ! Me – a poor, fragile, hapless creature who doesn’t command the minimal acknowledgement and respect even from the devilish neighborhood cat.
I remember the exact time when this misfortune landed upon me. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, when as usual I lay perched with the daily news paper on my hand without reading a bit of it but of course day dreaming. Finally, after deciding that I had more general knowledge than the news paper could possibly impart, I threw it away and began to look for some more “meaningful” work. Now you must understand that studying or doing some personal chores like pressing, bathing, shaving or tidying the room doesn’t come under the list of meaningful work for any self – respecting individual. So I reverted back to the most pleasurable activity for me – a small slumber and a quick escape to Dreamland.
Exactly at that moment it happened. Along with the usual stench of the street gutter, the air carried with it a sweet film song sung by my favorite singer. I must admit that this is my most favorite song and there can be no other reason other than the fact that it was the only song the lyrics of which I knew fully. I also began to hum the song and in a few seconds, there I was, singing in the place of the original singer, my voice a lot sweeter than his. I had made an important discovery of my talent hitherto hidden inside me. Then I knew that if I took to singing, the other singers would have no choice but to leave the profession. I was simply amazed why A.R.Rahman didn’t offer me a chance to sing in his films. Maybe that’s the reason his music hasn’t got an Oscar till now.
Now that I discovered my talent, I would let the whole world hear it. I joined vocal music classes to hone my talent but to my surprise found that the master did not share the same enthusiasm about my vocal ingenuity as I did. How stupid! I did not want to continue with a mean guy who doesn’t appreciate others’ genius. I practiced on my own in my house and over a period of time my mother began to complain of ear pain often. I did some research and found out that the correlation between my singing and her complaining was perfect. I was disappointed.
Other events unfolded quickly. The ever boastful next door aunty stopped visiting our house all of a sudden. People started maintaining a distance from me, literally. By chance, one day I heard the neighborhood granny chiding a child to eat or else she would ask the “unkempt uncle with the ugliest voice who lives in the second floor” to sing. (All the descriptions other than the voice perfectly matched ME!) The next second, the child took its bite without a word and I was pained.
Whenever I started singing, all the doors and windows were shut immediately. I didn’t pay heed to all these incidents. I believed in my prowess and I shall not deter at any cost. But things started to get a little messy, when an over indulgent, civic conscious advocate neighbor threatened to sue me for disturbing the serene atmosphere with my “crow like voice”. I even went to an ENT doctor whose explanation that one hears his own voice differently from others didn’t find reason with me. My going to the beach and practicing singing for one full evening in solitude and the advent of tsunami the very next day are all a part of unrecorded history.
If mankind and nature won’t help me in my noble attempt, I would seek divine help. I began to visit a temple near my house where the deity is left with no visitors who try to get his blessings in return for some donations. I began to reason that since He is also alone and probably He cannot run away from my singing sessions, I can continue my practice there. Alas, a few days back I read in the paper that a “miracle” had occurred in the temple wherein the deity who had all sorts of weapons in his hand threw them off and had closed his ears for some “unknown reasons”.
The whole world is against me and even the divine forces have joined ranks with my enemies. Isn’t it that the third world war that I am waging, a lopsided one?
I remember the exact time when this misfortune landed upon me. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, when as usual I lay perched with the daily news paper on my hand without reading a bit of it but of course day dreaming. Finally, after deciding that I had more general knowledge than the news paper could possibly impart, I threw it away and began to look for some more “meaningful” work. Now you must understand that studying or doing some personal chores like pressing, bathing, shaving or tidying the room doesn’t come under the list of meaningful work for any self – respecting individual. So I reverted back to the most pleasurable activity for me – a small slumber and a quick escape to Dreamland.
Exactly at that moment it happened. Along with the usual stench of the street gutter, the air carried with it a sweet film song sung by my favorite singer. I must admit that this is my most favorite song and there can be no other reason other than the fact that it was the only song the lyrics of which I knew fully. I also began to hum the song and in a few seconds, there I was, singing in the place of the original singer, my voice a lot sweeter than his. I had made an important discovery of my talent hitherto hidden inside me. Then I knew that if I took to singing, the other singers would have no choice but to leave the profession. I was simply amazed why A.R.Rahman didn’t offer me a chance to sing in his films. Maybe that’s the reason his music hasn’t got an Oscar till now.
Now that I discovered my talent, I would let the whole world hear it. I joined vocal music classes to hone my talent but to my surprise found that the master did not share the same enthusiasm about my vocal ingenuity as I did. How stupid! I did not want to continue with a mean guy who doesn’t appreciate others’ genius. I practiced on my own in my house and over a period of time my mother began to complain of ear pain often. I did some research and found out that the correlation between my singing and her complaining was perfect. I was disappointed.
Other events unfolded quickly. The ever boastful next door aunty stopped visiting our house all of a sudden. People started maintaining a distance from me, literally. By chance, one day I heard the neighborhood granny chiding a child to eat or else she would ask the “unkempt uncle with the ugliest voice who lives in the second floor” to sing. (All the descriptions other than the voice perfectly matched ME!) The next second, the child took its bite without a word and I was pained.
Whenever I started singing, all the doors and windows were shut immediately. I didn’t pay heed to all these incidents. I believed in my prowess and I shall not deter at any cost. But things started to get a little messy, when an over indulgent, civic conscious advocate neighbor threatened to sue me for disturbing the serene atmosphere with my “crow like voice”. I even went to an ENT doctor whose explanation that one hears his own voice differently from others didn’t find reason with me. My going to the beach and practicing singing for one full evening in solitude and the advent of tsunami the very next day are all a part of unrecorded history.
If mankind and nature won’t help me in my noble attempt, I would seek divine help. I began to visit a temple near my house where the deity is left with no visitors who try to get his blessings in return for some donations. I began to reason that since He is also alone and probably He cannot run away from my singing sessions, I can continue my practice there. Alas, a few days back I read in the paper that a “miracle” had occurred in the temple wherein the deity who had all sorts of weapons in his hand threw them off and had closed his ears for some “unknown reasons”.
The whole world is against me and even the divine forces have joined ranks with my enemies. Isn’t it that the third world war that I am waging, a lopsided one?
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